Roller Coaster

I love roller coasters, just not emotional ones.  The ups and downs were simply too much for me.  Someone who has not experienced alcoholism up close and personal probably cannot comprehend the range of emotions that I have experienced and in fairly short periods of time:

concerned
disappointed
angry
bitter
annoyed
vulnerable
paralyzed
embarrassed
useless
distrustful
indignant
heartbroken
sad
worried
suspicious
rejected
scared
resentful
unhappy

Just to name a few.  As time progressed, I found that the more positive type of emotions - sympathetic, helpful, optimistic - were being buried by the negative ones.  I was being suffocated - or, more accurately, I was suffocating myself, because I should be capable of controlling and influencing my own emotions.

But habits take a long time to modify.  Even on my own, in a moment of calmness or peace, I can find one of those negatives creeping into wherever emotions creep into.  I have to consciously tell myself "no!".  After all, negative emotions do neither Al nor me any good.  I thought I'd gotten off the emotional roller coaster.  I'm surprised I haven't.  Another thing on which I'll have to work . . . I'll be busy.