Hindsight only sometimes 20/20

A common expression is that hindsight is 20/20 - we can look back and clearly see our errors and how we might have avoided issues.  That's true for some situations, but not all. 

Looking back over the past 15 years during which Al & I have had some kind of relationship, I don't know what I should have / could have / would have done differently.  Would I have hooked up with him?  Would I have been the instigator to buy a home (and then another), to merge our investments and assets?  Would I have distanced myself from him long ago, at the first hint of a problem?  Would I have tried to provide more support?  Less support? 

None of the questions have obvious answers.  The one thing that I can say for certain, though, is that if I could do it all over again, I wouldn't be so Al-focused.  Instead, I'd be more me-focused. 

It's difficult for me to accept that I can't stop Al from drinking.  I can't cure his depression.  I can't get him a job.  I can't make friends for him.  As much as I'd like to, I can't do any of those things.  What I can do is take care of myself.  Historically, I've been very good about taking care of my external needs - food (too much!), shelter, clothing.  I've not been nearly as good at looking inside. 

Overall, I've been rather dismissive of such pursuits, not wanting to partake in navel contemplating. But I was wrong on that count.  I should have been looking inside - not just over the last 15 years, but my whole life.  This is a practice that shouldn't be limited to addiction and those of us struggling with it and its related effects.  90% of my short daily readings are unrelated to addiction, but instead are related to my life and my personal power to influence ourselves, my outlook, my own inner peace, my ability to address personal challenges.  The readings aren't how to influence others.  While there may be a possible and indirect influence on others, it's not expected or required.

I'm grateful that through a difficult situation, I've been blessed with learning about myself and my abilities in a way I would have never considered.