Detachment

One of the strong recommendations of Al-Anon is to "detach" from your loved one with the addiction to alcohol.  The notion of detachment applies regardless of whether one decides to stay with the addicted person, or leave him/her.

I am struggling to understand detachment.  One would think it would be easier for me, as I've decided to leave the home situation, than it would be for others who decided to stay for whatever reason.  I'm at a loss to figure out how one can stay and detach at the same time.  Perhaps as I continue to learn from others' experiences I'll understand.  But - as I've blogged about before in a round about way - I'm not having an easy time detaching.  It's easier said than done.

I love giving advice.  I'm pretty good at it, as well.  There are so many aspects of Al's life over the past several years about which I've given him advice liberally.  It might be how to quit drinking, how to follow recommendations from others, how to deal with others, how to write a resume, how to search for a job, where to search for a job.  Al listens politely, then wholly ignores me, regardless of the subject.  So why would I want to continue to share advice when it's all fallen on deaf ears?   Might it be the need to attempt to control a situation, even if I can't?

Even since I've been away, I still want to be advice-giver.  I'm doing much better now, though, in not doing so.  But it's so frustrating, especially when many decisions (in my mind) are so black-and-white, even while I acknowledge that life is full of shades of grey.

I pledge, though, to continue my readings, continue going to meetings, continue to try to understand the concept of not only physical detachment (that's easy), but also mental detachment.  Maybe some day I'll better understand, and thus be able to practice detachment.